Write about the one that got away.
Perhaps it was an idea, a friend, a job or a lover. Describe the moment you knew you lost something you could have had.
I think the big one that managed to escape me was the Diner. And of course it was my choice to leave, as these things often go, and I do not regret the decision. But that was me at my best, in many ways – I was overworked and underpaid, but I was working for myself, and for my business – the customers, the employees, and the food – for food’s own sake.
I think that the greatest hindrance I have suffered since is this sense of entitlement that comes after being one’s own boss. To be in charge of something that was at least marginally successful, now I view other proprietors with a more critical eye, & the assessments I may make are often well above my current station.
I feel as though the writing of this cookbook will somehow redeem me, if not in the eyes of the Diner itself, at least in my own mind, particularly if I can manage to get the damn thing published! But we are a long ways off from that, yet.
I suppose it didn’t really hit home that the Diner and I were done for a few months, I had considered going back to work there at one point, but it was not to be. So I went back to Portland (again) with a sense of relief, and a hint of loss. Since then there has been a fair amount of damage control, most recently the return of our ex-bookkeeper’s rummaging around in our accounts, to see what else she could steal. But there have been some tasks related to legalities and the IRS as well – it’s all a learning process, I suppose.