The Grudge

How long do you stay angry at someone or something? What’s the longest grudge you’ve ever held? Why do you think we hold grudges?

I usually don’t hold on to a grudge. Historically, when I am very angry, or more likely, frightened I tend to be overcome by ultra-violent imagery of bashing the offenders head in…and then think, omigod – that would be terrible. And then I am typically over it.

But really, I have had the ultra-violent bug since I was but a lil’ kitten. I used to picture taking the mean girls at school, by their too tight little pony tails, and using them as a handle to slam their faces into the school walls! I am embarrassed to even confess all this really, but it’s true – and I have to wonder where it all came from.

You know?

And my other mental method is to envision verbally ripping someone a new asshole…also something I do not allow to physically manifest, unless I am in physical danger. Another school reference here, is that there was one time a boy was throwing rocks at my friend and I, as we were walking home from school through the park.

I had been hit in the head, with a rock, thrown by a boy the year prior (honestly guys, not the best way to get a girl’s attention – this rock throwing thing) so I snapped. Screamed at the poor kid that he was white trash and his daddy was a stupid drunk. Of course I had never met this lads father, I was just taking my best guess.

I was just blind with rage – is what I was… and scared to piss. But it was the boy with the handful of rocks that took off whimpering, me following a few steps with my final coup de grâce of underage swearing…

But those weren’t grudges, just the misguided bad temper of a little girl, which still visits me from time to time, but in much more muted tones. I feel bad about what I said to that little boy – even all these years later, and I have come to recognize the difference between what is, and is not appropriate when dealing with other humans. At least to some degree…

But the one grudge that I was able to recall, was that one I had against my bookkeeper, who was robbing us blind as she smiled to my face – for years.

& I continued to be angry, for years. But at this point, I do wish her a fair dose of compassion, as she is a miserable creature, and has to live with herself for however much longer she has before she’s off to rot in Hell. (See how over it I am?)

Or some creepy little Japanese girl comes after her…!

PS this is a clip from the creepiest movie ever, so leave it alone if yr feeling squeamish!

 

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