Insanity We Trust

How do you recover lost trust? In a person? In an idea?

Bonus: If someone lets you down or betrays you, how do you learn to forgive? And can you possibly learn to trust them again? Why or why not?

Trust is something I have been circling around, tentatively for years now…

I have trust issues with everyone; my parents, my sisters, my friends, co-workers, and for the love of god just don’t even ask about lovers! I have lost trust, most recently and profoundly, by loosing my business to a series of events that seem peculiarly unfair, to one in my shoes. That I was stolen from and lied to, taken advantage of my just about everyone I did trust.

Never the kids tho, the kids are, as they say – alright. Even if they stole out of the till, or lifted a bottle of wine – if they ate themselves silly and never paid a tip fort it, that simply couldn’t hold a candle to how we were treated by nearly every authority and institution. The bookkeeper, the people we bought the place from…The City of Reno fucked us. & the IRS? Why they are actively fucking me right now – as I type. It’s fucking great.

They are taking my money, out of my current paychecks, they take all the money that the Diner ever makes, they don’t give a damn that they never got the money they wanted over the years because someone else was getting to it first (some one I, stupidly, trusted) and now they treat ME like the fucking thief.

Guess how much trust and faith that gives me in the American system of governing? Can I ever forgive the IRS? That is a really tough question…

And that’s where the Plinky question gets tricky as well…I have been mulling over this concept of trust, as I said – for some time now. But that is just a basic, bare-bones issue with me. Establishing trust with anyone, in the first place – is not a natural knack I have – so moving on to the realm of forgiveness? That is a whole other game!

At the risk of sounding cynical, I don’t know that forgiveness given lightly is such a great idea…mightn’t that just lead to delusion? It is said that insanity is doing the same damn thing over and over, and expecting a different result…

I guess I forgive up to a point, but at the end of the day, I walk away. I can’t really think of any exception beyond blood relatives (all of whom I inherently distrust…) that I have really forgiven and stuck with. Oh! and Pep, I am still friends with my friend that is best – despite the untold injustices we have done to one another.

I think I can trust her because I can see myself so clearly in her. She is a good mirror for me. But the rest of them, I have written off. Mind you, a lot of them wrote me off first, at least in my mind, and I simply returned the favor. I bear them no ill will – in particular, but they are not a part of my story any more.

So all in all, I would say that my next attempt is to simply trust myself… and see where that leads.


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